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2000-05-18 alright .to be fair. stories are good as well as bad. it was her birthday. they'd been together for a year and a half. their wedding anniversary was just a few months away. their first one. they were at her favorite restaurant. once she ate so much there that she had to go home and throw up. here they were. amazing meal in front of them. she wanted to throw up *before* she ate. she didn't know what was wrong. three tests in the trash. yep. pregnant. she's ok with it. she knows she doesn't want a baby. she knows it was a fluke. she doesn't get attached. day of abortion. nurse calls her sweet pea. doctor puts his hand on her face and says "you'll be fine sweetie". he sits next to her, she's giggling because of the drugs, not becuase she's happy. he's white faced. they stare at each other through the whole thing. somber. he's sweet. a week later she feels cramps. Our Bodies Our Selves has her paranoid. she goes to the emergency room. they keep her for 7 hours. 10pm til the next morning. he lays on her small narrow hospital bed with her the whole night through. his arms around her. sleeping. worrying. kissing her head. the day they went to great america. it sucked. the lines were long. it was hot. but they held hands. they laughed a lot. somehow she left feeling like the day had been super. the trip to seattle. she was disoriented. hated staying at other peoples houses. but walking the streets of his past, having him point things out. eating breakfast together. cuddling on the living room floor. she was happy. driving to LA to see Tom Waits storytellers taping. singing in the car. holding hands while looking out the windows. waking up on kats floor spooned. the first time she told him she loved him. he shook. he squeezed her over and over. he loved her too. his whoppers. "i think i'm going to die before i'm 35" she thinks . oh shit what am i getting into. a few hours later "oh by the way that was bullshit" he did that all the time, and she always fell for it. but he always told her when it was bullshit. it made her laugh, some of the whoppers he came up with. he was proud of her when she managed to tell a whopper without giving it away right away. the first time he picked her up at an airport. she wasn't sure how to be yet. he hugged her tight. then she knew.. going to his parents. he says something about girlfriend "am i your girlfriend?" "yes. any other questions?" their wedding. she giggles through the whole thing, as elvis strums love me tender. her friends dressed in gold lame or 6 inch heels or elvis outfits. he stutters over his vows. his eyes serious. later they find a weirdly incongruous blues bar where they dance and drink champagne with their friends. she tells him her day "i bought some cigarettes and i smoked them. i bought a sandwich...and i ate it. i bought a coke...and i drank it." and he laughs hysterically. he's weird. he thinks she's funny. she's not. but he makes her feel like the funniest thing in the world. dinner parties. he's singing tom waits with ariel and dave. top of their lungs. everyone laughing til they almost cry. sitting quiet reading. look up. 'let's go to the bedroom' they both say nookie. he never seemed to want to go and have something separate. he always wanted her company. he played george winston for her. barbecue days at bottomofthehill. leaning across tables to kiss in the sun. laying on the couch, her face in his neck. just feeling 'home' eating avocados and salami while sitting watching Van Morrison in concert. sitting in a hot tub by the river. all their friends. single and dysfunctional. all of them maacking on each other. they just sit back and watch and laugh. later go their room and kiss. he always wanted her coffee before it was gone. she pretended it drove her crazy. she missed it when it was gone. walking boogie around the lake. down by the ocean. holding hands while boogie stopped, looked back "wuff. what's taking you guys so long?" the upstairs neighbor pounding on the floor because they either had sex too loud or just talked and laughed too animatedly in bed. Blue Lamp. blues bands. kissing. looking across a room. stomach falls. lust. he calls her hot. he puts up with her. he drives with her to the store even when he doesn't want to. he takes her to the doctor whenever she needs it. he used to get up in the morning, drive her to where she met her ride, and then go back home back to bed. would call her and say "my WIFE. you're CUTE. i love you!" would get huffy and turn around to drive back to the house if she forgot to put her wedding ring on. he sent her mothers day flowers to work, from boogie. he let her read every journal she'd ever had to him. pretended to listen. (he probably did :) he called her from work to say he missed her. that he loved her. that he thought about sex. with her. he wanted to cuddle and kiss as much as she did. they touched well. they fit well. he found her interesting. funny. another trip to LA. matt asleep in the back seat. they mess around in teh front. she has an orgasm and matt sleeps through it. the night of their wedding party. a fewmonths after the wedding. everyone partying ina hotel room. he says 'let's go to our room'. they leave everyone to drink without them. he plays "it's now or never" when in a bar. he leaves her songs on her work voicemail..songs he's singing himself. she makes them sandwiches. she pats it to make sure it's flat. he hugs her and tells her he loves her. he makes her say 'chicken' over and over and laughs gleefully. he drives up to pick her up from the train and his face lights up when he sees her. they have a fight. he storms out. comes back in a little later and they snuggle. they search for the perfect diner. that's mostly his doing. he loves diner food. they go to the beach with a picnic. and books. they swim. she swims, he watches from the beach....the whole time. now she wonders if it was because he loved her, like she thought, or becuase he was wondering how to leave her. it wasn't long before the end. he volunteered for some psych student who needed a test subject.friend of a friend. he turns out to be a genius... one of the questions. "what saves you?" "my marriage" |
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