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2000-05-25 so today starts out strange. i'm so not ready for ohio. i have a bag of dirty clothes. how ghetto is that? (i pick up the "in" slang from the girls) so ...i'm gonna do laundry at lobos. and of course, i dont' know how i'm getting to the airport. and it's sfo and not oakland like i thought, so ...oh hell, you don't care! so this old black woman on the street this morning, was standing in the middle of the sidewalk this morning with this delighted smile on her face. she was staring downward at the street...i looked to see what could be making her so happy, and it was two or three little black birds eating garbage. she looked so delighted by these little birds, who were eating garbage. ..it was as if she found the whole meaning of life in those little birds. ok. for some reason it made me grin for a block. it was strange and random and i'm sure she was crazy. but it was a good kind of crazy. a lot of sf crazies mutter and grumble and give you the evil eye. i read catiecake. whenever i read catiecake, i think "gosh catiecake is so charming" charming and endearing. waterysleep also has this effect. charming waterysleep. this morning i was getting off the train and there was one of *those* women. you know. you're getting off teh train and there's actually like 15 of you debarking (disembarking? whatever) ..and she looks right through you and just moves forward, before you're actually off. she doesn't try to slink around you. she just walks straight at you, with no visible recognition in her eye that she actually see's you. and somewhere inside there's a little kid going "I'LL MOW YOU DOWN, BITCH" but no. you do the slinking. twisting your body so you don't come into contact, but of course you bump into the person next to you who's trying to get off. what is it about the women who do that? i have to admit i've never noticed a man doing it. and it wasn't like there were 15 other people trying to get *on* the train. noo..in fact she was the *only* person gettingon. pish! kick to the head award goes to her. ah don't you love days that start out violently? last night i finally had my grilled crab and corona with lime. i didn't do a very good job of cleaning though...you have to make sacrifices. ya know. who the hell on pacbell has been on my site all morning! who are you. come on. tell me. (not that i'm all obsessed with hits or nothin. nope, not me) oops. it's 9:34. i must work! that's what i come to this building for! that's why i have this nice computer and this cubicle. yes i have a cubicle. what is in heather's cubicle? lots and lots of unfiled paper. some edward gorey calendar pages. a brass grasshopper. three eggs. out of which is coming some sort of lizard or dinosaur ...three stages. one has it'sh ead out, the next has it's head and neck, the next has it almost all the way out. a snow globe with st. theresa shackled and burning. the snow is gold and red. a plastic elephant. robotgrl by brian. me and ariel. and all my cd's of course. the cute doodle just came over and removed an eyelash from my nose and i made a wish. i never make a concise thought out "i wish for blah blah blah" i think i more suddenly picture a state of being, and then i close my eyes real tight and ... i don't think i could ever put into words my actual wish. it's vague. abbycat: thank you. you so sweet :) so i dont' know if i love beth orton yet. i suppose i should give it time. or i could return it for steve earle which i know i like. ha ha. someone called me punk recently. HA HA HA. if you could see my cd's. i do love the live lyle cd. yay for lyle. but that was a given that i'd love it, i suppose. ...i had to buy new cd's. i buy new cd's you see, and if i love them (which happens so rarely) the way i do this gram parsons tribute album...then i will put htem on repeat for WEEKS...and i'll end up in this weird music coma. i look over at my zillions of cd's and i don't want to hear ANY of them. just the new one that causes me to zap into some other weird state of being. but then, after a month, i can't listen to it anymore...and that's just tragic to do to yourself wehn you love something that much, right? i think i do that with people too. gimme gimme gimme. i'm not the most patient of people. i want it all now. i talked to V on the phone last night for a little while. it was nice...it had been awhile since i talked to him. it reminded me why i loved him as much as i did and for as long as i did. he's an incredible person. it also reminded me of how our differences brought us together and kept us together and then also caused us to end, and now ... i don't think if i met him now, if we'd love each other like that...which i think is good. i loved him genuinely, but i also put him on a pedestal. i learned from him. wanted to be like him. ...and now, i don't think i particularly want to be like anybody but me...and i think i got *that* from c. ..it was a neat feeling, to realize i respect and admire vince so much but don't feel like he's the goal as far as intellect or personality goes. i told him about my journal. and then i was talking about a current friend situation in my life right now, suddenly after 15 minutes i cut myself off .."i'm thinking out loud at you , i'm sorry' "yes you are. i hope your journal doesn't babble like that!" (with sense of humor) hm. well, i'd have to say it does! i'm a babbler. i dont think that will ever change. hey. i said it was 9:30 awhile ago. stop talking to me! go away. i can't talk to you anymore, i have things to do! no. no more... lava, h |
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