also january 3rd entry: o ut of order:
i think there's a difference between not being average, and striving to be special.

striving to be...

it's that contrivance that i hate in myself. that contrivance makes me less than instead of the more than that i'm trying to be.

maybe it's ok that i don't have a special talent

or that i falter

or that i am filled with faults like veins of earthquake running through me.

or that i just can't always find my way.

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